IjustwatchedthemovieMyFriendDahmer,whichisbasedonthebookMyFriendDahmerbyDerfBackderf,hishighschoolclassmateandfriend.Tobehonest,Ifeelbadforthisguy.ForJeffreyDahmer,murderingwasthemeanstoanend,nottheenditself.Hedidn'tnecessarilyenjoykilling.Whathewantedwasquenchinghisthirstinloveandfindinghisidealtypeoflover—atallandslendermale,unconscious,deadandbeingwithhimforever.TherealizationofbeinghomosexualalreadydevastatedyoungJeff,backinthe1960s,whenthesocietywasveryunforgivingtotheLGBTQ.Evenmoresowhenitoccurredtohimthathenotonlyfantasizedmalesexualpartners,butalsofantasizedunconsciousanddeadmales.Obviously,heknewsuchfantasieswereabnormalandsick,fromtheverybeginning.Helashedouthisshameandfrustrationbybeatingthetrees.Ashegrewolder,hissexualfantasiesintensified,justlikeeveryotherteen.Whatmadehimdifferentwashisloveforunconsciousmales’bodies—necrophilicfantasies.Hehatedsuchnecrophilicfantasies.Hewantedtogetthemoutofhismind.Butasweallknow,youcan'treallycontrolwhatispoppingupinyourmind.Heresortedtoalcohol,hopingtoseekmomentarypeace.Alcoholfuckeduphisbrain,academicperformance,humanrelationshipsandphysicalhealth,butforJeffitwasn'tabadpricetopayinexchangeforeliminatingthesickeningnecrophilicfantasies.Later,peoplehehadbeencloseto,andpeoplehewassupposedtobecloseto,lefthimonebyone.Hismother,hisfather,hisbrotherandhishighschoolfriends.Hewasallaloneinthehouse.Hehatedbeingleftalone,despiteallthesocialawkwardness.Onecrucialreasonwasthathisabysmalsexualfantasiesmightconsumehimandeathimalive.Soon,thosesickeningnecrophilicfantasiesstartedtotakethebetterofhim.Evenifhecouldmanagetoresistthem,hecouldn't,afteracertainpoint.Notanymore.Meanwhile,hisparentsweregoingthroughanuglydivorce,trappedinthoseproceedings.Theteachersturnedablindeyeonhim.Whenhewashittingthetrees,comingbackwithhisroadkillpreys,walkinginthehallwaysclearlydrunkandhigh,behavinginabizarreway,showingnointerestinschoolwork,andendlesslyconsumingalcohol,nocounselorwastheretohelphim,noadultevenspoketohimaboutit.That'showhecametodowhathedid.Hisdeedsdemonstratedabominablecruelty.Hehadput17familiesinlifelongmiseries.Hewasoutspokenandstraightforwardineachinterviewandinterrogation—howandwhyhekilledeachofhisvictim,dismemberedthebodiesanddissolvedtheparts.Hesaidhehadrealfriendshipinhighschool.Derf,ashishighschoolfriend,alsomentionedthathighschoolhadtobeJeff'shappiestyearsinhislife.Heshowedhisremorseincourt.Hedecidedtobecrematedafterdeath,notombstone,nograve,nofuneral.Hesaidhesimplywantedtobe“wipedout.”Washeabsolutelyirredeemable?Idoubt.Hadanyadultsintervened,hemightnotturnintotheserialkillerandcannibal;thevictims’livesmightbespared.Buthislifewasalsoatragedy.Hisbrainwaswiredinawayincompatiblewiththeexistingsociety.Evenifadultshadintervened,Ihighlydoubtifhewouldeverpossiblyliveanormalandhappylife.Hisfatewasdecidedfromthemomenthissexualfantasiesemerged.WhileweareappalledbywhatDahmerhaddonedecadesago,theremaybeclosetedpedophilesandnecrophileslurkingamongus.Theymaydeservehatred,buttheydeservehelpevenmore.Thereshouldbeawaytheycanopenupwithoutfearandshame,andlettheprofessionalshelpthemsurvive.
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